Building a Family Your Grown Kids Actually Want to Come Home To

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Hey Beautiful Mama! 👋

I had one of those heart-stopping moments last week that made me completely rethink how I'm showing up as a mom.

I was voice messaging with my friend Jackie (who you'll meet in a minute) when she casually mentioned something that hit me like a ton of bricks.

She said, "Our adult kids don't just have their own families - they actually WANT to travel with us. They're coming to a conference with us because they want to be about what we're about."

I literally stopped typing and just sat there.

As a mama with young kids, I sometimes find myself counting down to bedtime after a long day of snacks, spills, and sibling squabbles.

But in that moment, I glimpsed the long game of motherhood - creating relationships so meaningful that your grown children choose to be around you.

Is there any greater measure of success?

I immediately called Jackie and asked if I could interview her for our podcast.

You see, Jackie and her husband David have something special…

A blended family that has overcome divorce, heartbreak, and the typical family struggles to create genuinely deep relationships with their now-adult children (ages 29, 27, and 23).

And don't we all want that?

To raise kids who one day become adults who actually want to hang out with us?

The conversation was so rich that I couldn't wait to share the key insights with you.

Why Your Family Culture Matters

Here's the truth Jackie helped me see…

When it comes to family relationships, we often focus on all the wrong things.

We worry about perfect family photos for social media.

We stress about having the right activities on the calendar.

We compare our messy reality to someone else's highlight reel.

But Jackie put it perfectly:

"If you will surrender to this assignment of family, you can have in real life what other people pretend to have on social media."

That stopped me in my tracks.

Because isn't that what we all want?

Relationships that are genuine, not just photogenic?

The Family Breakthrough That Changed Everything

Jackie shared how in the early years of their marriage, she was like many of us - ambitious, driven, and constantly thinking about building something significant outside the home.

I could relate so much.

There are days when I feel pulled in a million directions, wondering if I'm missing opportunities by focusing on my family.

But then Jackie shared something that felt like permission to breathe:

"All those opportunities I said no to in that season of having young kids? They all came back around. And I returned to them with more wisdom, more patience, and more depth than I would have had before."

That's when it clicked for me.

This season with young children isn't about saying no forever…

It's about saying "not yet" to some things so we can say a wholehearted "yes" to what matters most right now.

As Jackie put it…

"You don't get another swing at the young childhood years."

Creating Family Connections That Last

So what exactly does it take to build the kind of family where grown kids want to spend time with you? Here's what I learned from our conversation:

1. Be Intentional About the Mundane

Jackie shared how the magic isn't in grand gestures but in daily consistency with things that seem too small to matter.

Their family motto was "Do today well."

This reminded me of something I've noticed in our own family.

My four-year-old doesn't remember the expensive birthday party we threw him, but he talks constantly about our Tuesday night dance parties in the kitchen.

It's like building a house - one brick at a time might not seem significant, but they create something strong and lasting when placed consistently day after day.

2. Look for the Value Others Bring

Whether in marriage, parenting, or business, Jackie emphasized the importance of seeing the unique value others bring to the table - especially when it's different from what you bring.

This hit home for me.

Stephen and I are opposites in many ways.

He's the visionary dreamer; I'm the practical implementer.

Early in our marriage, these differences caused friction.

Now they're our superpower.

With our kids, it's about seeing their unique contributions too.

My oldest is wildly creative in ways I'm not.

Instead of trying to redirect him to be more like me, I'm learning to celebrate how his perspective enriches our family.

3. Choose to Stay Through the Hard Parts

Jackie shared something profound about relationships…

"Everyone has trauma, everyone has suffered. Marriage is supposed to stretch you. It's not supposed to be easy… it's supposed to be worth it."

The same applies to family relationships.

When conflict arises (and it will), our natural instinct is often to retreat to safety.

But lasting connections are built when we choose to work through the messy stuff together.

I experienced this firsthand last month when my son and I had a big disagreement about screen time.

Instead of just enforcing rules, we sat down and really talked. It was uncomfortable.

There were tears (mine included).

But afterward, our connection felt stronger than before.

Your Action Steps This Week:

1. Schedule Your First Monthly Connection Activity
   Pick something simple that aligns with your family's interests. For us, it's a "Breakfast Adventure" where we try a new breakfast spot and then find a nearby park or attraction.
   

2. Start a Family Motto
   Jackie's family used "Do today well." What simple phrase could remind your family of what matters most? Talk about it over dinner this week.
   

3. Look for Hidden Value
   Each day this week, notice one way each family member contributes something unique. Tell them what you see.

The beautiful thing about intentional family connection is that it doesn't require a big budget or elaborate plans. It simply requires our presence and attention.

With love and gratitude,
Chelsey 💕

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